hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
he was CRYING into my vagina
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Randomize
