I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
