I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
