Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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