Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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