There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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