so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
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If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
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Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
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