dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
