it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
