im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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