I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
