Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
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