Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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