A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
