how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
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ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
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I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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