I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
