so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
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He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
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For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I am available for nakedness
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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