I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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