I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
