Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
