I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
