um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Randomize
