I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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