Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
