Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
