How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
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You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
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