Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
