my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Randomize
