I think my fart just growled at me.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
