Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
you win again, gameday.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
