Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
