Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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