Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
