You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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