The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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