Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
