What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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