i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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