Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
