There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sext me about skeletons
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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