Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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