I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
worst night to have a conscience
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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