sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
