Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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