Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
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