Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
