Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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