I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
