Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Dear god my vagina.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
