you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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