found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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