So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
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So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
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Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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