who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
