wanna go halves on a baby?
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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