i was born a porn star she said
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I need to calm my uterus...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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