Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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