Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
