Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
