dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
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Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
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