the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
