I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
