Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize