My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Randomize
